Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Back to Village Life...

It has been a struggle...
You know, I spent 3 months getting adjusted and accustomed to life in the village. Life seemed normal. Life seemed okay. I didn't really miss home that much anymore. I could live without friends and family. I could live without electricity and water. I could go weeks without being in town. It was my life. I was, as they say in Zambia, USED.
But then, take me away and throw me into two of the biggest cities in Zambia for 3 weeks, and it is all erased. I spent these weeks being surrounded by friends, and more especially American friends; friends that share my same culture, ideas, history, and lifestyle. We spent our time drinking, hanging out, and going out dancing (things that we hadn't been able to do in the 3 months prior). We got to meet and interact with town Zambians (who are a completely different kind of people than village Zambians). We felt the freedom of walking through shops and restaurants and towns without everyone staring at us and watching our every move. We were not the first and only white people they've seen. We could show off our meager language skills and dazzle those we spoke to (yes they've seen plenty of white people before, but none who can speak local languages). We felt proud. We went on vacation and hung out with tourists. We spent big bucks on safaris, cruises, and rafting trips. We lounged around in bed and by the pool without worrying that anyone was thinking we were lazy. We felt free. We felt almost like normal Americans again.
And then...back to village life...
Back to the loneliness, the boredom, the isolation, the hard labor of making fire and fetching water, the inability to communicate, the inability to get them to understand you and why you do the things you do. Back to the guilt for sleeping in too late, the questions about why you are spending so much time in your house, the random people walking back and forth past your yard and staring at you, the empty greetings, the lack of privacy, the lack of conversation and intellectual stimulation. Back to the unfamiliar culture, beliefs, and lifestyle. Back to never being alone, yet somehow feeling totally alone.
This is my life now. I know I'm making it sound horribly tough... but, don't worry, I'm sure I'll get used to it again. Maybe it will be okay and totally normal 3 months from now... by then it will be time for my next vacation...

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